How not to be afraid to start a conversation.Who among us has not been in a situation where we are not satisfied with something, but we do not dare to raise the issue . What if he misunderstands? What if he thinks I’m hinting at something else? With superiors, with men, with friends – in any area of our life, we are faced with the fact that we can not voice something. And in vain.
Indeed, it is difficult to start an important and serious conversation, especially concerning some dissatisfaction or personal convenience. Whether it is a matter of circumstances at work or, for example, in relationships with loved ones. However, psychologist Maria Pugacheva warns: “If you are patient and silent for a long time, avoiding the main topic, eventually the psychological stress will make itself felt, and your claim will unconsciously fall on the person for a completely different and, most likely, insignificant reason.” This will show you far from the best side and can lead to a real conflict.
However, if you directly and bluntly express your opinion on a sensitive issue, you also run the risk of running into resentment because of your indelicacy. And if you delay with hints and with “preparing the ground”, you can pass for a hypocritical or” slippery ” person. And even a bore or a whiner.
Therefore, unpleasant, but important conversations should be approached carefully . Maria Pugacheva advises:
- Prepare for the conversation in advance . Calculate the possible options for the reaction of your interlocutor and prepare your arguments – such that you can really understand, and not be offended.
- If the situation arises suddenly, try to defuse the situation with a joke. But then, without changing the friendly tone, note: “I was joking, but seriously, it’s really not easy for me to cope/I’m not very happy/I’m worried about that. “, and objectively express what, in fact, the problem is. After such an introduction, you are unlikely to refuse to listen.
- In a conversation, always use the phrase s like “I don’t mean to complain”, “I don’t want to offend”, “I’m not angry or offended, but it’s important to me” , etc. This will demonstrate that you are determined not to fight, but to discuss constructively and seek compromises.
- Relationships with loved ones are probably one of the most difficult moments. How to explain to your beloved man that we do not have enough attention? Yes, he hadn’t given me any flowers in the last six months, but he’d just nailed down the shelf! In his eyes, it’s probably the same thing. Or a friend who makes an appointment in a place convenient for her, but not for you. The rule is simple: if something causes discomfort, say it out loud . And not to third parties, but to direct participants. But don’t forget about positive motivation. For example, in the case of a man, it is worth noting his merits and positive qualities: “You’re my best and thank you for that. But I miss your attention a little, and if only you would still. then I would be the happiest.” Similarly with friends: “I’m always happy to see you and it’s a great pleasure to meet you, but only here. I’ll be so happy if you can meet me halfway.” With this approach, all statements with a “minus” sign will be perceived not as an insult, but as a wish that is not difficult to fulfill.
- It is important to remember that people, even those who know us well, are not telepaths. And if we don’t like something, we need to explain it to them, not accuse them of not understanding something.
What difficult conversations did you have and how did you handle them?