When does flirting become cheating?
“The situation in the family is not simple. I am 34, my wife is 32, We have been married for 8 years, everything is good in the family in all aspects, common interests, common topics for conversation, we almost do not swear, in bed everything is as if for the first time and passion and desires and fantasies are all there. But lately I’ve been freaking out about my wife flirting with other men. Okay bonalno female wink or smile, a compliment in her direction, this I accept and understand, but she needs to write to her also vulgarities in chats. After a serious conversation at home, problems began: that I do not give her freedom, that I have driven her into a framework, that I need to get emotions in order for everything to be good and positive in the family, that I am a Theran, that she feeds on these emotions again, that she needs to know that she is wanted . I also do not understand how the concept of “personal life” can be present in the family, what kind of personal life it can be if you are married and have been for more than one year. In fact, she is a very sociable and open person. Explain to me please znataki, whether it is so if the family has all this, but the woman is so necessary on the side to still get additional emotions, to go on the verge of flirting and real. Already the roof is going from the fact that flirting can be more than just flirting.”
Flirting is a love game, signs of attention that people pay to each other. More often, the ultimate goal of flirting is sex (according to Wikipedia).
A person may not admit to himself that he feels sexual desire in relation to the person with whom he is flirting. He will deny his motives in every possible way, displace, rationalize, saying “I bought her coffee just out of politeness”, “he slapped me on the ass, because he was just joking, there is nothing special about it”, “well, I gave her a ride home, nothing terrible”.
Especially people who are already in a relationship, who adhere to strict moral principles, or who benefit from having flirting on the side, deny or rationalize flirting.
Flirting is a demo version of cheating. A flirting person “tries on” other partners, trying to imagine what sex would be like with this person, how would we communicate if we were lovers? Flirting allows people to live a short life together with another person, in which they can have lunch together, make love to each other, jokingly cuddle, etc., until one day there is a situation where both are left alone, for example, in the car, and a conversation about sex (or sex itself) occurs between them. But in reality, sex happened between them long before this situation, when they thought about each other and imagined how it would all happen in reality.
I would divide flirting into “on duty”, when a person pays attention to the objects he likes more out of curiosity, to test his attractiveness, out of politeness, without planning more intimacy and even more sex, and “intimate”, when a person feels in love with the object and the intention to engage in sexual intercourse with him.
When a person expects sexual intimacy, he will be persistent, try to touch, stay alone, hint at sex or openly offer it.
Flirting can be regarded as a sublimation of infidelity. For example, a woman has a need to communicate with other men, to receive signs of attention from them, but she does not plan to part with her husband, then she compensates for her need for infidelity by flirting, which, in her opinion, is harmless and does not threaten the integrity of her family (while she is flirting at work or on a business trip, for example).
There are situations when a woman flirts in front of her own husband (or the husband flirts in front of his wife): openly enters into intimate correspondence with others, etc.
They can do this for the following reasons:
In any case, this is a dishonest, manipulative game, and it is played by someone who does not respect and does not like his partner, but treats him as a consumer, as a function.
According to my estimates, flirting ceases to be flirting and becomes cheating when it begins to cause suffering and discomfort to a loved one, as, for example, in the case of intimate open correspondence and other similar phenomena.
Infidelity can be understood not only as a change of partner on the physical level, but also as a manifestation of disrespect for him, the intention to hurt, humiliate through communication with another.
Open flirting, like cheating, is always an act of aggression, an internal conflict. And we need to investigate what lies at the heart of this conflict.
Attempts to resolve the conflict destructively with the help of such an ultimatum as open flirtation or infidelity-this is the way to nowhere. It is much more correct to entrust this problem to a specialist.
A visit to a psychologist will help you look at the problem from a different angle and either save the family, overcome the crisis, or come to the understanding that the relationship has exhausted itself.