How to help him fall in love?
This is the question thousands of women ask themselves when dating does not get the desired development. He is good-looking, smart, and well-off, and he clearly likes her, but the sympathy turns into a romance. What’s the matter?
Elena Leonidovna Goverdovskaya, director of the Center for Psychology, Psychotherapy and Psychocorrection”Paracelsus”, psychologist, member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League warns readers of” Beauty & Health ” from mistakes that can prevent a man from falling in love.
The first misconception is that the relationship between the sexes concerns only women. I assure you, men also need love, they also crave an explosion of emotions, so they are much more attracted to expansive women. It’s just that women are better able to adapt and, unlike representatives of the opposite sex, are not afraid of strong feelings. They should help a man fall in love.
The functions of men and women were initially different – the first to get food, the second to maintain the fire in the hearth. A man by nature, as a rule, is silent. He is a hunter, who spends hours motionless and silent waiting in ambush for his prey. To this day, he is reserved in expressing his emotions and is laconic (although there are exceptions). And the women, who were busy gathering, cooking, and raising children, constantly communicated with each other, whiling away the time in conversations. And now they are more inclined to contact, to exchange thoughts and feelings.
The most win-win move in an attempt to help a man fall in love is to push him to talk about his beloved. A smart woman will always be able to build a conversation so as not to show her true intentions.
A great role model is Jacqueline Kennedy, who was the wife of such famous personalities as US President John F. Kennedy and millionaire Onassis. She was able to look at each man so that he considered himself the center of her universe, seriously listened to the interlocutor – the most important person at that moment for her. The first task is to let the man open up from the first time. Only without stupid phrases like “tell me about yourself” or “I want to know everything about you”! Such attacks can ruin the impression of yourself and reduce the acquaintance to nothing. The offer of confidential communication should be smooth, consist of leading questions and attention.
In a heart-to-heart conversation, the illusion of conversation is important. A woman is required to be brief. If a man does not ask anything about her, there is no need to climb with lengthy illusions, especially to load him with information about his previous relationships. The main thing is to talk to a person, listen to him, sympathize, win over him… And it will reach out to you!
Next, you need to unobtrusively find out whether the man experienced stormy affairs, whether he loved someone. It is especially important to know whether these were real feelings or their exaltation. If he was possessed by a truly passionate love, he is not stingy with emotions. Psychologists know that if a person once showed feelings, he is able to do it again and again.
The wrong stereotype may work here. You need to be an impartial listener. When the interlocutor frankly tells about his previous relationships with women, you should remain completely calm. No jealousy, no negative emotions! Psychologists know the transference effect, which can be both negative and positive. In no case can we talk about the bad, otherwise there is a great risk of becoming the object of negative transfer. It is better to maintain a conversation on pleasant topics, in friendly tones, and then the effect of a positive transfer is ensured.
If a man talks about a previous strong love that has not yet cooled in his heart, this is wonderful! It means that he can love and will certainly love a second time. When he confesses the tender feelings he had for his former partner, the positive transference effect works. That is, half of his task has already been completed by his interlocutor.
If a man insists that he has never met a woman he could love, he should be wary of him! No matter how much you like him, no matter how much loneliness torments you at that moment, it is better to immediately move away from him, because he is emotionally poor. An adult who has never loved you will not love you, no matter what you do – this is an axiom.
It is desirable to make a speech about the mother-this is the most important aspect of cognition! A man is attached primarily to the woman who gave him life, and this is normal. If he loves his mother, finds warm words for her, do not take them with hostility. But if he speaks unflatteringly about her, such a man should be feared. A natural question arises: why does he not respect the woman who has been with him since birth? The answer should alert you.
Another popular opinion: for a man to fall in love, you need bright sex. It sounds paradoxical, but it’s not. We do not live forty years ago, but now, in the era of emancipation, the sexual revolution, and no one is surprised or tied to the physical intimacy on the evening of the first acquaintance. Men want to be interested. Let’s say a 20-year-old and a 30-year-old woman are dating a man. Both of them had a vivid sexual relationship with him. But after bed, there is always a problem; and to talk? And here the 30-year-old has a much better chance. A man needs to be able to listen and become not only a lover, but also a friend. An adult woman in an entertaining conversation makes the interlocutor feel that he is a man. It is communication and understanding that binds people tightly.
I do not call for puritanism, but I will remind you: first there must be a different relationship, and then the partners will know themselves in sex. Sex between people connected by deeper feelings, sex for love is incomparable with the physical intimacy of barely familiar people.
Men often keep everything to themselves and do not express their opinions also because they are afraid of appearing helpless. They were brought up this way: God forbid to show weakness in front of a woman, and suddenly she uses his revelations to his detriment? But if you managed to achieve a trusting relationship, if it is pleasant to communicate with each other in joy and sorrow – you have found your half. Go ahead, you will succeed!