Predicting your future with a person is difficult, and every relationship between two people is unique. But there are a few common signs that you should pay attention to for the sake of your happiness and safety. Katie Hood, CEO of the One Love Foundation, described the main features of unhealthy love in a TED talk.
“Why haven’t you answered the message yet? I sent it a minute ago!»
At the beginning of a relationship, it may seem nice that your partner constantly demands your attention . After all, in the first months with a person you want to share everything in the world. But if over time, curiosity has turned into obsession — this is the first alarming sign that you are the object of unhealthy love.
This is how not only a partner can behave, but also friends and parents. If you are required to be in touch 24/7, are tired of endless calls and messages, and are outraged when you do not respond instantly, this is one of the ways to control it.
Often parents lay a similar model of behavior from the very childhood of the child. Then it is even more difficult to see such behavior as a sign of unhealthy love. Remember: normal relationships — whether romantic or kindred-are built on trust.
“This Anya is a bad influence on you. Stop talking to her»
Another bell — attempts to isolate you from the outside world . It is clear that at the beginning of a romantic relationship, you want to spend as much free time with your partner as possible. Friends and family can take a back seat, so that precious moments with your loved one are not lost. This is normal, but only for a while. Gradually, the feelings are stabilized, and the partners can build a relationship so that there is also enough time for other areas of life.
It is quite another matter if a loved one insists that you spend all your free time only with him. Especially when he speaks unflatteringly about friends or tries to turn you against your family. Why would he do that? It’s simple: the fewer people you have around you, the harder it will be for you to recognize and stop unhealthy relationships. No one will say to you: “Hey, he seems to be overdoing it! “
” Why are you talking to him? Do you miss me?»
If you feel a twinge of annoyance when your partner talks to another girl, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you. But in a healthy relationship, they don’t cut you off as soon as they see a new subscription from a loved one.
When a partner becomes demanding and wants to know in detail where and with whom you spend time — these are alarming signals. They are often accompanied by constant accusations of cheating and flirting with others, while attempts to give a reasonable explanation of the situation only cause aggression. And if you notice surveillance, and not only in social networks, then the situation is definitely serious. Remember: insane jealousy has nothing to do with love.
“You can’t do it anyway»
It is important for a person to feel the support of loved ones: both when solving small problems, and in difficult situations when we want to change jobs or start a new project. But in an unhealthy relationship, instead of support, you can get a portion of ridicule or condemnation. You may notice that they are deliberately trying to hurt you with a word, hitting your self-esteem. And when you try to say that such words are unpleasant, you only get more condemnation: “How gentle we are! I’m just saying what I think.”
When your self-confidence is undermined, you are easier to manage: a person who does not believe in his own strength is dependent on a partner. This cannot be achieved if you are constantly developing, trying new things, and are not afraid of change. Therefore, anyone who tries to drag you into an unhealthy relationship is not interested in your success and independence.
“If you stop loving me, I will die!»
Parents claim that they will stop loving a child if he does not do as they want; friends constantly force him to prove his loyalty; a loved one says that he will die if the relationship ends. All this can be described in one word — extremes. And this is also a sign of unhealthy love.
Constant breakups and reunions, loud quarrels and violent reconciliations. Everything is either very good or very bad — it’s like you’re constantly walking on the edge. Such a swing is a sign of emotional violence, which can escalate into physical violence .