My love, you say that you are happy with me. What do you like most about me?
— My sun, my love, what I like most about you is that you practically do not criticize me and accept me with my weaknesses. You can say that you are well versed in the psychology of men. You know how to build a relationship with your husband in the family.
— And more specifically, well, can you tell us more about what it means to “not criticize and accept”? It is best to use examples.
— If it’s not a secret, why do you need it?
— Well, as “for what”, first of all, without examples, it is not quite clear what you mean by this. And secondly, when I understand you and begin to understand even more deeply, as you say, in the psychology of men, then the relationship between us will become even better.
“Okay, listen. For example, I often start some chores around the house or in the professional sphere, and at the very beginning I either do not succeed at all or it turns out very poorly. And you, no matter what I do, you’re always happy. For example, I began to fix the faucet and broke it, I had to call a plumber. I spent half of the weekend that we were supposed to spend together, resting, and dealing with the consequences of my incompetence.
6-7 years ago, you could have told me that I “can’t even fix a faucet.” Or even if she did, she’d start grumbling about ” I want to go to the movies when you’re done fixing it?” And now you just enjoy any of my activity, usually in such situations you say: “Well, the crane broke, well, you tried to fix it. Well, I could not fix it, but I broke it, you are still a hero, you will somehow cope with this situation. Even if you have to call a plumber and buy a new faucet. The main thing is that you tried!”.
Accordingly, from the fact that any of my efforts, no matter how successful or unsuccessful, are never criticized, but only encouraged, I try to do even more and better. As they say, do not break the taps. The next time I don’t do what I don’t know how to do, I call a plumber right away. The example with the crane, it is one of the simplest. And your acceptance and lack of criticism is evident in everything. For example, in the relationship between us-I gave you not a bouquet, but one rose-you are happy, you hug me. Or even when I brought you chrysanthemums, which you can’t stand, you hugged me and thanked me, and then calmly told me to buy something else next time. So it is in my professional life, in relation to my weaknesses, and so on.
— Well, but what about our friends, because they live almost like two strangers, just in the same house, since there is no way to separate. The wife says that she does not interfere with her husband and does not demand anything from him and does not criticize at all. Why, then, the relationship is not restored, if not to family, then at least friendly.
— You know, if there’s one thing I’ve noticed in their house, it’s a constant sense of criticism, blame, rejection of their husband. If she really stopped criticizing her husband, and not just thought that she had stopped, then the relationship would really have been restored long ago.It’s just that her criticism has become less obvious than before. If earlier she approached her husband and said “this is not so, this is not so, you are not so and not so”, now this strategy does not work, because he can tell her “what’s your business, because we are not actually husband and wife”. Therefore, criticism has become more hidden, but not less frequent.
Well, for example, the husband says something, the wife argues. In fact, the wife says that the husband’s opinion is wrong.Although it is no longer clear who is interested in this.Another example, if you don’t like something, you can remain silent for several days, under various pretexts, or get off with monosyllabic phrases.
— Can I have more examples?
Criticism is often expressed not in words, but in gestures. The man has not finished yet – he is interrupted . The husband dropped something — a displeased expression on his face. More examples? Well, well, criticism can be not in front of her husband, but in conversations with mutual friends. Criticism can even be found in examples in stories about the successes of other men, where the husband at the moment or in general in life has a weak point, or there was a recent failure or he just started a project and so far not everything is working out for him.More?
Perhaps there are enough examples for today.
— So, you have almost no criticism at all. But there is support in almost all areas of life and in many difficult situations. Often as in life happens, there is a difficult situation, I come home and tell you. If my wife says to me in words and gestures: “I believe in you, you will cope with the situation” – this is one thing. And if the wife shows with all her appearance that she does not believe – this is completely different. Of course, I solve problems and cope with difficulties on my own, but your support is very inspiring and helps me in life.