Over this issue, the best minds of mankind have been struggling for more than a dozen years. And, by the way, they did not fight in vain 🙂
Noble robbers, secret agents, risky racers, pop and rock stars, just school hooligans-girls from different eras went and continue to go crazy for guys who have this elusive special charm.
Why do we like unreliable, narcissistic, problematic men who will almost certainly break our hearts? Here’s what psychologists say about it.
They can charm.
Scientists from the University of Durham in the United States explain: men are more likely to have the qualities of the dark triad — this group of personality traits includes narcissism, psychopathy and macchiavelism.
With narcissism, everything is clear — a person is so in love with his beloved self that he simply does not have enough deep feelings for someone else. You’ve probably heard about psychopathy, too — such people have no idea what empathy is, are antisocial and behave in a rather peculiar way, but they are endowed with incredible charm. Macchiavelism from the same series — these citizens are duplicitous, deceitful and ingeniously able to manipulate people.
So when we think that the bad guys are irresistible, we, imagine, do not think. They really look awesome, they are insanely interesting and it is believed that they are knee-deep in the sea. You are literally bewitched by the charm of these insidious tempters. Remember the imperio spell from Harry Potter? That’s the kind of thing that happens to you.
The bad news doesn’t end there. Healthy relationships with these charming bloodsuckers can not be built. But codependents are always welcome. And here just lies another secret of the attractiveness of bad guys – most often the girl is predisposed to such a scenario.
Perhaps she lacked her father’s love, or he was the aggressor in the family. There are not so few options. If you feel that this is similar to you-run to a psychologist, he will help you correct the attitudes and get rid of unhealthy passion.
Hormones are to blame.
You can argue for a long time about Darwin’s theory and the origin of man, but we still have too much in common with the animal world. And we choose a partner not only at the behest of the heart (it, by the way, has nothing to do with it). Unclear? We explain in detail.
The menstrual cycle consists of two phases, between which ovulation occurs. This is the fertile window when the risk (or chance, depending on the circumstances) of getting pregnant is particularly high. And during this very ovulation, hormones greatly spoil your picture of the world.
Roughly speaking, a fertile female looks for the most dominant male with strong genes, who will become the father of offspring and the defender of the home. And the bad guys, with their unshakable self-confidence, are exactly what they see. Not like some positive Sasha or Vanya, who takes care of his beloved grandmother, washes the dishes without reminders and diligently attends lectures. What kind of alpha male is he?
Fortunately, ovulation does not last more than two days. And when your hormones get back to normal, you think straight again, and you realize that the dominant guy may be the alpha, but he’s not really much of a defender. At least, his image does not fit with the home hearth in any way. Not like a positive Sasha or Vanya, who takes care of his beloved grandmother… 🙂
It’s more fun with them.
Not all girls dream of getting married as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Some people like to flirt, have affairs, and just enjoy life. At the age of 18-20, this is, in general, quite natural.
Such people quite deliberately choose guys with whom it will be interesting and not threatened with marriage. After all, it is clear that at some point such a Romeo will merge safely. Well, or it won’t worry too much if you decide to change the situation first.
But if you sleep and see how you will meet your beloved from work and feed them homemade pies, but you are so drawn to the fatal guys who suddenly make their feet, sort yourself out. Psychologists, by the way, believe that we choose each, even the most unsuitable partner ourselves-subconsciously, but with a certain purpose.
And if you regularly choose guys with whom a serious relationship does not work out, it may very well be that for some reason you yourself are not ready for a serious relationship. If you can’t find out the reason on your own, this is again a reason to look for a consultation with a psychologist.
Good guys aren’t easy to find.
Remember where we started? Men are more likely to get features from the dark triad. Of course, this does not mean that they are all narcissists and psychopaths, besides, in each individual person, these qualities can be combined and manifested in different ways. That is, whatever one may say, there is always a risk of running into, let’s say, not the most noble representative of the stronger sex.
In addition, we remind you that they are perfectly encrypted. However, a charming classmate who so famously rides a motorcycle can really be just a charming guy. But the same positive Sasha with a closer acquaintance may turn out to be the same frame. And he may be looking after his grandmother not out of the kindness of his heart, but to look like a white and fluffy bunny and get an apartment as an inheritance. Things happen, you know.
On the other hand, we’re not air fairies either, are we? We can also release our claws. Most importantly, do not forget to turn on your head and soberly assess the situation. And still use your claws, if the circumstances require it. Not in the literal sense, of course, we are against violence 🙂